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To the best of our knowledge,
Franklin Academy is the first and only college preparatory boarding school to
serve exclusively students diagnosed with nonverbal learning disorder. From time-to-time,
our administrators, counselors, and faculty address in writing a variety of issues
affecting our students and their parents. We believe that our practical experiences
and the perspectives we gain in this setting will benefit a larger audience of
parents, special education teachers, psychologists, and educational consultants
seeking additional insight. We hope that the letters and articles that appear
in this section of the Franklin Academy website prove to be helpful.
The following letter was jointly written by Franklin Academy’s two staff
psychologists – Rebecca Hays and Suzanne Gregory – in early October of 2004
Suzanne and Rebecca
Dear Franklin Academy Parents:
Just as our students come to us with a wide variety of skills and issues, our
parents also come to Franklin Academy with a range of past experiences and concerns.
For many of you, this is your child’s first time away from home and outside of
your direct care. An anxiety-provoking situation for any parent! Some have had
their child participate in other boarding schools or therapeutic programs and
may not be coping with such a huge adjustment right now. What you all have in
common, however, is a deep caring and love for your children, and we are grateful
for your trust in us to care for and guide them through these challenging adolescent
years. Thank you.
As we “settle in” to our new year, we have had conversations
with many of you about your child’s adjustment here at Franklin, and a number
of you have shared stories of negative experiences in the past when advocating
for your child’s educational and emotional needs. We want to take this opportunity
to respond to frequently asked questions, to clarify our approach on important
issues, and to communicate to those whom we have not yet spoken. One prevalent
question we have addressed so far this year is:
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Why is my child having so much conflict? I thought Franklin Academy would
“be different” from his/her prior experiences.
It is important
to remember that conflict IS part of normal development in relationships and in
your child’s identity development. We all must learn how to share, to negotiate
with others, and to make requests of others in order to live happy and healthy
lives.
Your student is in a community of teens where everyone – to varying
degrees – faces similar issues. Our students are consistently challenged in essential
social areas. They often do not read social cues appropriately, nor are they sending
or communicating cues or information appropriately to others.
Our students
tend to be delayed in their emotional and social development. In addition to the
struggles that are symptoms of NLD, our students often have a social history and
life experience that has deprived them of practice. These necessary skills are
not ones that our students learn vicariously, intuitively, or by verbal instruction
alone; they must be practiced over and over again. While many of the conflicts
we sometimes observe seem “inappropriate” for someone in adolescence, the reality
is that our students are on track for the most part – just behind their more neurotypical
peers. Occasionally, we see students engaging in conflicts that are more typical
of much younger children, but it is the work they need to do to develop basic
skills and move on to more age-typical work.
We also find that our students
are greatly influenced by their past history of traumatic social experiences in
school. We have heard from you, and, more importantly, from our students about
how very difficult their school experiences have been. The way in which this translates
is that they are tender and raw and they often perceive rejection where it does
not exist. They express the feeling that others are “out to get them.” When they
have a conflict with a fellow student here, they often assume this will be handled
in the same way it has always been handled.
How will Franklin help
my student develop healthy peer relationships?
First, it is prudent
to recognize that it is not in our power to eliminate or avoid all conflict for
your child. Nor is it our goal. We strongly believe that each time conflict occurs,
we have a wonderful opportunity to teach your student new skills. With your student
we will closely examine these situations, and everyone will have an opportunity
to have their say. We will examine patterns of interactions so that students can
begin to have some sense of being better able to predict the behavior of others.
With consistent labeling we can also help them to better predict the response
their behaviors will generate from others. With our students we will brainstorm
alternative ways of responding, and we will identify the feelings associated with
specific interactions. Finally, we will also hold students responsible for their
own behavior and choices – even when it was “an accident,” or they “didn’t mean
it.” This standard of accountability is enforced community wide, and it is an
important learning tool to reinforce those behaviors that prove successful for
the student or to begin to modify or change behaviors that consistently impede
their healthy development and alienate them from their peers.
As you
know, a significant part of our curriculum includes the Individual and Community
program. Here students have the opportunity to learn and review essential aspects
of self-care and socialization. The “laboratory” for this class, however, is every
other aspect of the Franklin program; from the dining hall (“whom will I sit with?”),
to the dorm (“we all want to watch a different TV program – what are we going
to do?”), to other academic classes (“why does this person interrupt when I am
speaking?”). At Franklin we have “one staff” so that the teachers who know students
in the classroom are also the same ones who will be dealing with them across the
campus. This gives us a tremendous advantage, providing an opportunity to intervene
in many “life spaces” and offering the number of repetitions that it will take
to change behavior. Consistent repetition is the key feature in our students’
ability to secure and refine their interpersonal skills.
Our primary
goal is to create and to sustain a psychologically safe community where we expect
people to make mistakes and to treat these situations as opportunities for learning.
Please take a look at our Code of Conduct again and discuss it with your child.
This code represents our goals as a community – a standard to which we aspire
and hold ourselves. All decisions and choices are examined in this context. We
ask ourselves the question: is this choice consistent with our Code of Conduct?
As a result, and as part of the learning process, student choices result
in consequences. This is a natural fact of life. What we do has an impact. Good
choices result in positive consequences such as improved relationships, a sense
of satisfaction, or increased privileges. Poor choices result in negative consequences,
such as disruption in relationships, the disapproval of others, and loss of privileges.
At Franklin Academy, sometimes a consequence is merely a discussion with an adult
in which a behavior is labeled. At other times it might be a mediation session
with another peer. Or, a consequence will involve the loss of privileges on campus.
Any particular response is dependent of a variety of factors, including – but
not limited to – the number of times this behavior has been labeled, the impact
of the behavior on the student or community at large, and the severity of the
behavior. There are some behaviors for which we have a very low or zero tolerance,
specifically behavior that demonstrates intentional cruelty to others and any
form of violence.
What can I as a parent do to be most helpful?
You are your child’s most important support. The advent of the
cell phone has permitted a pattern of communication in which you may know about
an event before we do! We understand that your student uses you as a vital sounding
board. Parents tell us that they often receive calls from their teen in the midst
of a crisis, which may leave you feeling anxious and helpless, wondering how best
to respond. When in doubt, just listen. You might also assist your child by sequencing
the events, placing them in an accurate time frame. You can help your son or daughter
identify the catalytic moments that may have preceded the event and evaluate impact
and consequence. However, you should not feel the need to “fix” any of the problems
presented to you over the phone. We will take care of that at our end. We have
the opportunity at Franklin Academy to involve direct observers of the event.
We are more aware of extenuating circumstances, and this is the work we are eager
to do with your child. You may help them problem-solve by identifying a person
they can speak to directly at Franklin about their concerns. Like you, it is important
to us that our students develop the skills for self-advocacy and independence.
We find that our students tend to move into a “crisis” mode very quickly
as a result of their struggle to manage their emotions effectively. One of the
critical parts of problem solving that we will work on with your student is to
distinguish “degrees of importance.” More often than not, what feels like a crisis
to a student is not. The situation is important, but it is not life threatening
and does not require an immediate response or action. We will also be helping
our students learn that some things can wait, to be dealt with at another time
when the appropriate person is available, or when everyone has cooled off and
had time to process. Most people do not process information well when they are
upset, and we often need to wait awhile in order to make sense out of these complex
situations. As in many adolescent communities, the “story” of an event tends to
get larger and more distorted each time it is repeated.
When your child
calls home, resist behavior that focuses only on a report of negative information.
Ask for a report on at least one positive thing about their day when you speak
with them. And, as always, be sure to give a lot of positive feedback when you
see encouraging signs of growth and development.
Finally, feel free
to be in touch with us about your concerns. We will be fielding all calls related
to mental health or social functioning issues while your child’s Team Leader can
best answer questions concerning your child’s academic functioning. We have listed
our e-mails below, as this is often the fastest and easiest route of communication.
When we are in our offices, we are typically in session with a student and may
not pick up telephone calls. On such occasions, please leave a detailed voice
mail message.
Thank you again for this opportunity to work with your
teenagers – they have been a delight to get to know!
Sincerely,
| Rebecca C. Hays, PhD | Suzanne Gregory,
MA | | Email: Rebecca@fa-ct.org |
Email: Suzanne@fa-ct.org | | 860-873-2700 x106 |
860-873-2700 x127 | |
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